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"She's strong"Written By: Dùlin Fic #16 In the Thirty Kisses Arc Archive: This arc is archived on this site with permission. Do not reproduce it anywhere without permission. Pairing : 1+R (Heero/Relena) , 4+R (Quatre/Relena)
, 1+4+1 Rating : PG Warnings : angst, Quatre POV, New Type-ness, spoilers
for the Blind Target story line, expansion on the control room scene
in the Target-04 chapter. While this technically is a prequel to both
#20 – Rest in Peace and #6 – Pray for One, Pray for Two
… in terms of timeline, it might help to read those two before
you read this one. Also, please note that I'm working from my own
French copy of the Blind Target manga and translating the lines myself.
If you notice some discrepancies with the official English version,
that's why. Disclaimer : Those yummy boys belong to Sunrise and Bandai. Which are not me.
"She's strong" "Trowa said you wanted to talk to me …" I managed to say this with a steady voice, in spite of the exhaustion I could feel weighing down on me. I had come out of the explosion physically unscathed, but my shields had not been ready for the empathic backlash. I had had little choice but to clamp down and try to hold everything in until I could rest, and it was wearing me down. At this point, I didn't even know if I had lashed out at Ralph Kurt out of legitimate grief for the unnecessary death of so many people, or out of mental pain I knew was there but refused to let myself feel for fear of completely blacking out. Add to that the tongue-lashing that Wufei had seen fit to give me when I had least expected it, and my nerves were frayed beyond recognition. It was the same for all of us, I knew it. The last hours had been tiring for everyone, and we were all trying to cope in our own ways – Trowa by confronting his ex-partner, Duo by happily destroying what was left of the White Fang shuttle's mainframe, and Wufei by helpfully pointing out to me that I was trying a bit too hard not to cope. The fact that he was right had not exactly helped to improve my mood. If anything, it had increased my confusion as to how I was supposed to deal with the whole mess without breaking down. I hadn't seen a lot of Heero ever since we had arrived, and I wasn't in any hurry to change that. He had always been way too good at assessing my state of mind at a glance. I hadn't exactly gone out of my way to avoid him, but somehow my tasks had not required me to be in the same room with him and I had been just fine with that. Yet I couldn't very well ignore the message that Trowa had passed on to me … I had to settle for counting my blessings and being glad the lights were turned off and Heero was facing away from me when I came in. He did not even turn around when I spoke. "I'm not the one who's going to talk," he just said, and he switched the central screen on. I suddenly found myself bathed in light and gave a start. It took me a few seconds to realize that what was showing was a live feed from one of the surveillance cameras. "Miss Relena, do you really believe that the Earth and the colonies can coexist in peace ?" "Yes, Chris, I do believe so." I felt like all the air had been punched out of me. I had no idea of what it was that made me angry, or even if I actually was angry. He had manipulated me into coming here just to show me this, that much was obvious. And I hadn't seen it coming. What was worse was that I'd honestly believed that I could fool him and hold the pretense for a while longer as long as I didn't spend too much time in his company. If I could just find some time to rest and strengthen my shields, everything would be back to normal before he could even notice it, I'd thought. In retrospect, I didn't even understand what kind of reasoning had led me to think it was a good idea. As if I could hide anything from him, of all people … Maybe I was just angry that I'd been caught. I had gone out of my way to avoid her. Not because I didn't want to see her, but because I was aware that I was on a very short fuse and I hated being in such an unpredictable and volatile mood. It was simpler not to talk to her, rather than saying something that I knew I would regret later on. I knew that the others had found it weird. We had both been attacked because we were public figureheads, we had both had people hurt or killed because of us, and yet here I was doing my best to not be around her and hoping against all odds that no one would notice. "You knew …" I whispered almost accusingly. I had come closer to the screen almost against my will, close enough to touch it, and I had to turn my head to glare at Heero. He just looked back for a few seconds, then shrugged. "Of course I knew," he said, and went back to watching the conversation as if he'd been planning to all along. "Chris, I beg you, help me !" "I don't know if I can …" "You who have known despair should know that you are the ones who can show the greatest kindness, Chris." I could feel tears prickling my eyes but I stubbornly refused to let them out. Heero froze the feed and left me staring at a close-up of Relena's face. I almost held out my hand to touch it, but something held me back. I took a deep breath instead, and tried to swallow the lump in my throat. "Why did you do that to me ?" I asked. "You know why," he just answered. And with those three words I felt the tension that had been threatening to overwhelm me slowly bleed out of my body like poison seeping from a wound. I knew I would feel physical symptoms for a while more, but the pounding headache had been reduced to a buzz, and it didn't feel quite that hard to breathe now. I closed my eyes and hid my face in my hands. "I don't know how you do that, both of you," I said with a weak laugh. "She always says the right thing, you always do the right thing … Between the two of you, I don't even know why I bother." I opened my eyes again to look at the screen, and this time my fingers brushed against it almost of their volition. She hadn't even been speaking to me, and yet … "She's … Relena's really strong. I can't even hold a candle to her. I almost forgot a very important thing. It takes a lot of courage to forgive." "Quatre …" "Don't," I interrupted. "Just … don't say it. I really appreciate what you've done, Heero, but for the record, I'm still mad at you … I think … and I don't want to hear it right now." "This isn't about whether you want to hear it or not," Heero almost snapped. "You need to talk to her." I shook my head. There were some things on which I just wasn't ready to give in. "That choice isn't mine to make, Heero." He turned around to switch the screen off. "You don't want to choose. But like it or not, Quatre, it's still a choice you're making." OWARI |
